I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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