A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
