Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
