Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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