If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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