She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
