Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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