Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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