Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
