ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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