I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
