I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
