"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And then he peed in my hair
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