I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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