If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
