I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
