i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize