Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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