it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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