plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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