Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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