allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
