i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
