turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drake has all the answers
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
