Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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