Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
