be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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