Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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