are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka