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whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
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