i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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