you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
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we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.