The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
