Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.