I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
