just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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