pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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