Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
