checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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