you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
