It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
