Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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