cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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