I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Congratulations! We have a period
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