Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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