Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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