Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You are a booty call, not a friend.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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