a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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