I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
