C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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