Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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