apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
