In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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