so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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