I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
