the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
