You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
