1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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