You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
