remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
