If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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