you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We have started to decorate penises.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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