I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
