My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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