So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize